Rednecks, Ravens and Aliens

I sat in traffic on the Cross Bronx when traffic came to a crawl at Third Street. I was on my way to do some hiney hunting somewhere in UFO land. N.F. Pluto has made an astronomical announcement so I was on my way upstate to check it out. I got a beep on my earpiece and answered the call, ‘What’s going on,’ I answered while traffic did slink ahead ever so gradually. “RJ, it’s Bear, I gotta tell you, you were right, the South is the South…”

“Bear, I’m on the Cross Bronx, let me call you back, I got a tractor trailer in the process of rolling over a Volkswagen and I’m trying to get ahead of it.” “RJ, I’ll say it quick, you were right about Gwenn, she almost got Benny in trouble with the ‘good ol’ boys” Bear coughed up something nasty and said he wanted me to call him when I got to the landing area. (Bear got NF’s announcement also, Bear wants N.F. committed).

As I got over the GW and headed west on 80 to pick up a passenger on the other side of Fort Lee, I thought about my Smokey Mountain adventure. (Recap: For those of you who’ve come lately to the blog go to “The Archives” on the left side of the page, click ‘Mar’ for March and read ‘Smokey Mountain Highs’ a real Red Neck ‘As The World Turns’) I knew that Bear’s info would be crazy, I counseled a gay black fool (friend of Star's) who lived with a fat white nasty sex fiend bitch (former friend of Star's).

I picked up my ‘traveling buddy’ in back of an after hours club. She was in a black dress that was mid thigh, prancing to my car in her black FM space heels with her backpack in hand. I opened the back door, she jumped in and I took off. I called Miss Elly and read my odometer giving both the time and my location. (Cop precaution taken when transporting minors, jail bait and screamers to their elders).

Taking back roads I got to the Palisades as my traveling buddy took off her dress, her pumps, lift bra and corset. I was glad it was late and it was dark, or I’d have been too distracted to drive, I was already paranoid. “Call Miss Elly girl!” I handed her my phone. She dialed and got Miss Elly, “Hi, …yeah, RJ picked me up…I don’t know yet, I’ll talk to RJ…I heard, N.F. got the word to all of us…later.”

Her long raven black hair and glamour model looks made her appear like she was mid 20’s, she was not long turned 18. As she got into a Christian T-Shirt and blue jeans, I asked “Does your boyfriend know what your doing?” “Well does he?” She threw her sandals into the front and said, “what do you think?” “Girl I’ll ask the questions you give the answers, don’t put me in the middle of no bullshit, does he know?” “No RJ, he doesn’t?” “What about your Daddy?”

“Fuck No!” “Then Violetta you better get your shit together. By the way… Miss Elly is on to you.” “WHAT! HOW!” “Never mind that right now…you wanna go to N.F.’s or you want me to drop you at Red Tavern lil’ girl. “I’m not little, a lot of guys look at me and like what they see.” “They’ll see a jail cell if they find out your 18 in a after hours club, liquor license’s aint cheap or easy to get,… like you Violetta.” I reclined the front seat and she slid from the back to the front.

Her pretty face got flushed and vicious as she lashed out, “I’m not there turning tricks, I’m doing Comedy.” “There was nothing funny about that dress... I’m surprised that fake I.D. fooled them…they’re really gonna laugh when they get in front of a judge.” Violetta’s face scowled as she said, “take me to Miss Elly, I got to make sure Dad doesn’t find out.” “What about your boyfriend, baby girl?” “I can handle him!” “N.F.’s not gonna like what your doing either. She folded her arms, shook her head and rolled her eyes.

We got to N.F.’s where Miss Elly was waiting with dinner and beer. After dinner I waited for N.F. in the den while Violetta and Miss Elly were engaged in serious ‘girl talk.’ N.F. was a couple of hours away so I called Bear to find out the scoop about Benny and Gwenn. “Bear, what’s going on?” “About time you called back, remember the night Benny came over to ask you questions about that old Bible he had.?” “Yeah Bear, he’s still going to hell…”

“RJ, are you going to listen or what,” “go ahead Bear”. “Well it turns out that the old plantation that his family met at for their reunion was the household of the slave master that owned their great great grandparents. I bet the peckerwood in that community hadn’t seen that many black faces on a plantation since the Civil War. Anyway, Benny’s family knows that he’s gay, they didn’t know he was living with a white woman. One of his relatives found out about the bitch, now they talk to him again.”

“So he’s still living with Gwenn, right Bear?” “No! That’s why I called, he kicked the bitch out.” “What happened Bear?” Well you know Benny could never have his faggots over because the bitch is always doing three of four donkey hung niggers at one time…yeah, the bitch loves takin’ it in the but, in her mouth, up her snatch and she had room for the hamster too.” “Bear, Benny let that go on anyway.” Bear continued, “Yeah, but he finally went off…Benny grew some balls.”

‘What event took place to get him to grow balls?’ “The fat nasty bitch left used rubbers all over the trailer, she could at least teach her coochie coons to clean up , Benny found her passed out bent over the couch, gagged with a sex toy in her…"OK, I GOT THE PICTURE BEAR," "...and if that wasn’t bad enough Benny told Star that Gwenn was covered with semen, beer and sweat, empty bottles were all over the place, Benny told Star it smelled like pig shit and vomit.” “So that’s what got Benny to kick her out, turning his trailer to a swine pit.”

“No RJ, that was the beginning of the end”, Bear did another lung ripping cigar cough and continued. “Apparently the bitch had a warrant for her arrest, she wrote all kinds of bad checks at PeachTree Corners and Ms. AnnaLee got a warrant put on the nasty, slimy, cunt, whore bitch and the Sheriff came out to Benny’s trailer.” “Oh no, it wasn’t when Benny was in the trailer with her, was it Bear?”

“Yep, about 10 minuets after Benny went in he tried to wake the bitch up after putting on some rubber gloves. It was nasty. He took a picture of the scene because he knew no one would believe him and he was right…when the Deputy walked in he saw Benny standing behind Gwenn with bright yellow rubber gloves on, holding her by the hair, she was bent over the couch, sweaty, smelly, otherwise naked, passed out. Deputy drew down on him RJ.”

“Did they kill him Bear?” “Almost, remember you told Benny to write down Gwenn’s weird acts and notify the trailer park manager when she had her sex circus going on….he did. Benny told Star the Deputy told him to get down on the floor, Benny said, ‘Oh please Deputy not in here, can I lay out in the dirt, its not as nasty’. RJ, the Deputy put him on his knees outside of his trailer when the Trailer park manager showed up.” “So the trailer manager spoke up for Benny?”

“Yeah, but the Deputy wanted to know why a black boy was rooming with a fat ass white woman…when he told the Deputy she was his roommate and he was gay, the Deputy nearly laughed to death as he took the cuffs off him. They called hazmat along with an ambulance to take Gwenn out of the trailer, they refused to remove the dildo, the thong, or the ball gag until they got to the hospital.” So that’s the end of the matter for Benny, right?

Bear said, “No! He has to testify as a witness when Gwenn goes to trial for those bad checks and the Trailer park manager said if he has any other roommates he has to pay extra to live in the trailer park.” “When did all this go down Bear?” “A couple of days ago, by the way Gwenn’s name is in the local papers and she can’t be found.” Ms. AnnaLee wants information as to her whereabouts.” “Why Bear, the matter is in court isn’t it?”

Bear went on, “Ms AnnaLee said she would drop some of the charges if Gwenn goes with her to Rev. Elias’ Church and gets counseling, confesses in front of all the women in Maryville she's a whore and repents in front of the whole congregation.” Bear started to laugh but stopped when I asked him, “Isn’t Rev. Elias the Pastor of that Right Wing Ultra Reformed Church that got you labeled as a ‘heathen’. Doesn’t that Pastor like to have female ‘sinners’ get on their knees in front of him and….” Bear shouted, “Don’t fuckin go there, RJ…I gotta go”.

Bear said, “I’ll fill you in on Skippy and his Indian Woman later.” ‘What is she Bear, Cherokee, Navajo….’ “No from India Indian, a dot head, RJ!” ‘You are so culturally sensitive Bear…talk to you later.’ I drew a beer from the Heineken keg and went back into the kitchen. Violetta seemed perturbed. “What’s your problem now lil’ girl?” “Daddy knows,…did you tell him?”

“No, if I did you wouldn’t be here…ask Miss Elly who told him?” Miss Elly looked at Violetta, “RJ, I don’t know who told him but he’s on his way here and should get here about when N.F. shows up”. . Sure enough Arty (Violetta’s Dad) and N.F. walked in and greeted everybody. “Baby we’ll talk at home, right now lets go with N.F. to the landing zone” said Arty.

In the half moonlit night we all strolled to the landing zone. In the words of Dylan, “all the women came and went, barefoot and suntan too…outside in the cold distance, a wildcat did growl…two riders were approaching, and the wind began to howl.” (I won’t get into all what happened that night at this time but Violetta’s boyfriend ended up sleeping with her Dad.)


RJ