Stopping A Runaway Mind

Last night I went to see my Aunt in the hospital. She’s getting better but not fast enough for me. I also found out that she has essentially disowned me (tell ya about it later). I also saw one of my five specialists who explained to me why living in extreme pain over long periods of time is extremely unhealthy. (He told me that is why I am not getting better) Like I needed to pay him to tell me that.

I was in the area so like an idiot I went to the corner. I was gonna pass it by but decided to go in because I saw the vehicle of someone I knew. Shelly was breaking in a new Bartender I’ll call BeyBey (a Heinz 57 mix in her middle age – a soul/r&b lovechild) who was nervous as all hell behind the counter. She didn’t want to screw up, but she did. I gave her a $20 bill for some drinks and she gave me $25 dollars change. I let her know about it.

The Limpin' Pimp was in the bar talking to a barrel chested man who had very grey hair, in his late 50’s who had a white or light yellow dog. Their conversation was intense an involved. Pimp had his cell phone out showing this man something on his phone. I won’t assume that he was showing that man what he showed me. I won’t assume he showed the man his home made porn flicks of green card chicks.

As the character Travis Dane said in the movie ‘Under Siege 2’, “Assumption is the mother of all fuck ups”. I won’t assume that this man the Limpin' Pimp was speaking to was biting on his insidious proposition (the one made to me), I won’t assume that the ‘taboo’ outrage that some have at seeing young women exploited in this way didn’t register with this man, or that somehow he found the proposition ‘intriguing’. Maybe the discussion was something else entirely.

Maybe Limpin' was using that same phone he displayed his green card girls to me to show off photos of his extremely cute young kids to that older man. Maybe. Moving on, Googs and his wife Ilsa (Cowboy E’s sister) were at the bar conversing with Zu’, the soul who I thought was here to begin with. Zu’ was in a real heavy conversation with Ilsa and Googs.

Googs and Zu’ pursued their conversation, I talked to Ilsa to find out she went to school with my little brother (little brother has 100 LBS on me). I find out from Googs he went to school with my little sister. He wanted to know who the hell I was. He had no idea I ever existed. When he and my little sister were learning grammar, I was making the world safe for democracy.

Cowboy E came in to greet his in-laws and I found myself on the dance floor with Zu’ (I let her know I couldn’t move real well so she danced around me). Chucky came in about then and saw us. He was giggling uncontrollably. Zu’ and I sat down and we had a conversation. Being true to herself she was very direct. At first, sweet…and then I caught a shiver from the delivery of her very informative message.

Zu’ intimated that she and the menhaters sisterhood (she used the word lesbian at least 7 times in the communication) were not the kind of people I should be hanging around or looking for ‘anything’ from. She went on to tell me (I will paraphrase) that I would never find a single hetero female in ‘this bar’. She said I deserve a nice decent woman who could make me happy and that I could make happy. “You’ll never find that here”, “go someplace else”.

I could take that one of three ways (knowing Zu’ none of the ways were negative). I do consider us friends. I’ve known her for a few years now. I know that a close female friend of mine wanted to have sex with Zu’ desperately (I don’t know if it ever happened). Zu’ can find a way to make you smile when your down. I know what she is and what she does. She’s point blank, like a .40 cal. going of in your chest. I don’t know what prompted the communication.

Unless,….no, I just couldn’t think that. If “Assumption is the mother of all fuck ups” would it be fucked up to assume that by being just the kinda presence that I am in the lives of those I know so well,….that there is some kind of disturbance going on in the menhaters sisterhood? Are they thinking that one of them could ‘break a rule’? Maybe I should take anything said at face value for what it is.

I will take the advise given. My friends would not hurt me. Although everyone may be out for themselves, I know my friends are selfless. I don’t choose my friends because of what they are but because of what they mean to me and what of themselves they shared with me in this life. Am I naive, a fool to be used or am I something other?

BeyBey came back in the bar and in the words of Shelly “she wreaked” (took a ganja break but ganja no break with her). It was late and I decided that I stayed too long. I didn’t want to be around if a local cop came in and got high on BeyBey. The jackass owner could then use the liquor license hanging on the wall to wipe his ass with.

I’m a dinosaur, raised in an old fashioned southern home located here in five corners land. I know the kind of trauma drama that brings the pain that changes people. So I leave you as I left Zu’…with that which overcomes the bull….Love!!!