The Age of the Expanding Ass

In an earlier blog (Polyglot at the Horse – October 5, 2007) I spoke of a bar I called the “Horse”. That bar is in actuality “Bronkos” in Baldwin. The bartender I spoke of “G”, I will still refer to as “G”. I was in Bronkos this week, what day …I won’t tell. But I think you should know about some of what went on there this one day, it got me to thinking about a real health problem.

“G” the ultimate MILF maid was behind the bar and it was nearing the end of the day. The old regulars packed the place as usual and the banter, often adult and vivid (though not raunchy) was often aimed at “G” she shoots back usually causing the old boys to blush or back-off. All the men in Bronkos during the day range from early 20’s to early 80’s. Everybody is good natured and minds their manners “BossLady”, the owner is a hot showstopper herself.

“G” asked me how I was and how the new year started. We talked between her fetching beer and cooking up burgers, wings, onion rings and other goodies. When she got a moment she started to ask me a question when one of the Town Employees screamed, “I’m dyin’ of thirst down here, any beer in those taps.” Her head snapped, her lazer beam eyes locked on him and asked “which one the right or the left” as she pointed at her tits.

Drooling on the bar, the Town Employees said grinning, “WHATEVER”. “G” quickly poured the beer and got back to our conversation. “How is M.F.” (Met Fan) “G” asked. He’s doing alright I guess. “How is he looking these days”. “Well, I guess we all kind of look like our parents…we’re all a little heavy except you “G”. You look real, real good.” “How much weight RJ?” I was stunned at the question. “A Bit.” I said.

“Is that why he won’t see me, is he embarrassed about how he looks?” “G”, I don’t know. She walked off to handle cooking, cleaning up the bar and serving beer with easy effort and got back to me after handing out some lotto tickets. “G” stared my down saying, “I think that’s the beginning of the end. When you don’t have confidence in you anymore you quit and die.” Wow.

I started to look around the bar and noticed that almost all the men in the bar were overweight. Old, young, employed, unemployed, smokers and non-smokers all had some extra weight on them. Myself included. We have become a nation full of heavy people. Even the two women who were in Bronkos at the time were carrying some extra weight in the trunk and on the gut.

Then I thought about the dive and its clientele of big women and fat guys and it struck me that the VA put me on a program that I must attend called “MOVE”. That’s right, some nutritionist said I’m overweight. Weight is a problem for our generation, a generation raised by the children of the Great Depression, a people Tom Brokaw called the Greatest Generation. We were raised to believe that food was an expression of love.

Less food may actually mean more love (well, at least more sex) if we can get the weight off our ass. A big ass may not be real sexy on some women. I don’t think many women find fat sexy on any man (unless that man has big money in his big wallet in his big ass back pocket). Here is some statistics on being overweight from the CDC (Center for Disease Control).

"Since the mid-seventies, the prevalence of overweight and obesity has increased sharply for both adults and children. Data from two NHANES surveys show that among adults aged 20–74 years the prevalence of obesity increased from 15.0% (in the 1976–1980 survey) to 32.9% (in the 2003–2004 survey). The two surveys also show increases in overweight among children and teens. For children aged 2–5 years, the prevalence of overweight increased from 5.0% to 13.9%; for those aged 6–11 years, prevalence increased from 6.5% to 18.8%; and for those aged 12–19 years, prevalence increased from 5.0% to 17.4%.
These increasing rates raise concern because of their implications for Americans’ health. Being overweight or obese increases the risk of many diseases and health conditions, including the following:
· Hypertension
· Dyslipidemia (for example, high total cholesterol or high levels of triglycerides)
· Type 2 diabetes
· Coronary heart disease
· Stroke
· Gallbladder disease
· Osteoarthritis
· Sleep apnea and respiratory problems
· Some cancers (endometrial, breast, and colon)
Although one of the national health objectives for the year 2010 is to reduce the prevalence of obesity among adults to less than 15%, current data indicate that the situation is worsening rather than improving."

For More Information go to http://www.cdc.gov/nccdphp/dnpa/obesity/defining.htm.

Without exercise and/or discipline, our asses will expand into oblivion. Although some people are at a disadvantage due to being injured or on really strong medication, the challenge is all the more daunting but even more necessary to confront and overcome. The easy answers are diet and exercise, the hard reality is diet and exercise. All doctors I spoke to said alcohol doesn’t help. Smoking is a short term solution that has a fatal conclusion.

So the end is if we keep doing what we’re doing someone will wheel our big fat drunken ass to the mortuary. Or one of the residual effects, cancers or diseases will leave us waiting for the Reaper as we try to suck oxygen into our useless lungs in the CCU. If this sounds like some alarmist bullshit to get you to think about your health you are half right. It is alarmist, its not bullshit. Just remember someone cared enough to say something.

I don’t know if the Met Fan will ever see “G”. I don’t know if he cares to see “G”. All I know is I saw a template for what a woman in her late 40’s ought to look like. I visit that template a little more regularly. (You can’t park anywhere around the dive during the day without getting a ticket) So, what will you do to loose your fat ass? Get pissed at me all you want, it doesn’t change the problem. I can dig you beautiful ladies even if there is less to dig.

Love

RJ.