This week's "Hometown Zero"

We are starting a new weekly feature here at 1762 Broadway called "Hometown Zero". Each week we will try to bring you an article about a local who commits a dubious act.

This week, from the Long Island Press, we have the following:

BIAS CRIME ARREST

Nassau Police 4th Squad detectives arrested an 18-year-old for vandalizing a country club with anti-Semitic symbols in Inwood on Sept. 28. Cops say that Daniel Young, of Inwood, broke into the Inwood Country Club with an accomplice who has yet to be apprehended and used metal signs to gouge swastikas and anti-Semitic slurs into the grass and sand pits with gardening tools. Sprinkler controls, a lightning detection device, ball washers and other tools were also damaged, causing more than $54,000 in damage. He was charged with three counts of criminal mischief, one as a hate crime, aggravated harassment and criminal trespass. Young was also charged with vandalizing a car later that night. The investigation is continuing.

To Avoid Any Further Confusion...

...we've added links to Web pages for both the dart and pool teams in the "What's going on at 1762 Broadway?" section. You can find that section in the left column of this page.

Short Stay

I ended up stopping in last night after all. Shelly was working, breaking in a new bartender. Nice kid. Familiar with1762 and its characters since she plays for the dart team.

Despite the broken AC, the temp inside the bar was comfortable. Both doors were open, fans a-blowin'. Lots of blow[in] going on from the looks of the runny noses and white residue in the dried mucus. Whatever. Not my problem.

The bright spot, at least for me, was having a perfect Big Buck Hunter Pro game. I nailed all 45 bighorn's and amassed a score of over 28K points. Hooray for me. I have noticed that one of the younger patrons, goes by "ANT", has been challenging my dominance of the game. I will have to stay sharp. I have definitely noticed that I am wasting $$$ if I play the game after more than 2-3 drinks. Definitely have the best reaction time when sober.

Here's a challenge! Beat me ANT! 15 perfect sites. Perfect streak to match...Hehehe I am such a kid.

In other gaming action, the golf game has been replaced by a bowling game. Shelly had something like 19 of the top 20 scores, and was second only to "ERL". I'll let you figure out who that is. Anyway, four of us played against each other. Me, The Met Fan, Shelly, and our other resident biker, Jon. I had played this game once before. Not wild about the controls, or lack of it. Jon and Met had never played before. And obviously, Shelly has some experience. When all was said and done, Jon took the high score on his maiden voyage, which apparently pissed Shelly off. Definitely a good 1762 moment. And it was appreciated as they have been far and few between.

The Limpin' Pimp made an appearance. He did his usual, let me buy the bar a drink thing. I declined because this guy is probably the littlest weasel and biggest scumbag I have met at 1762. Eff him. And his fucking money. And his fucking heroin. And his fucking arsenal of guns. And his fucking limp on his gangrene infested hoof. Wikipedia sleaze and there he is. Ready to hook your sister/daughter on junk for his own perversions. The story of Herrin, one of his heroin slaves from the Far East, I will save for another day.

Whilst at the bar I conversed with Croc via text message. Apparently he has been fired.

So, with the appearance of Gin, the new bartender, we can reduce the total number of hours per week for Shelly. The hour total stood at a whopping 95 hours. Gin is taking Tuesday day shift. So now Shelly is left with a paltry 87 hours per week, and still no days off.

A Quick Drive By

Another day of 80+ temps here in suburbia. I literally drove by 1762 en route to my domicile a little while ago. Front door was open which can only mean that the DAYS WITHOUT AC count continues.

I had planned on stopping in for a few tonight, but I think I will spend my cash in a bar that actually cares about their patrons comfort.

Staffing issues!

I had no intentions of hanging out at 1762 last night. I went to a car show in Bellmore with family and friends. We had heroes and a huge cooler of cold ones. It was a good time with lots of great cars if you are into that sort of thing.

I stopped by 1762 for a quick minute on way home. I didn't even have a drink. The day tour bartender was closing up. She was there all day and night and was very tired. Apparently her relief never showed up. The place was like an oven. STILL NO FREAKING AC. As a matter of fact it was so hot in there, that even if the bar wasn't closing near midnight, I wouldn't have stayed.

Apparently there are some serious staffing issues over there. While some recent losses are not the fault of management, if you treat employees poorly long enough and subject them to bar temps of 90+ they will not want to work for you anymore.

Recent Bartender Losses:

Kat - Hope all is well in your real job!

Jessie

Pregnant Lily

and, yes, soon to be Croc...his last day is Wednesday.

OK, let's do the math here...

There are 14 shifts per week to cover, 2 each day.

Fri, Sat, and Sun day tours are covered.

The bartenders covering those shifts all have other jobs, so they cannot cover any other shifts.

That leaves 11 shifts per week that need to be covered by the remaining bartenders...But wait...there is only one bartender remaining once Croc rides off into the sunset on his Kangaroo.

So...
Shelly's new schedule is as follows:
Monday 11AM-4AM
Tuesday 11AM-4AM
Wednesday 11AM-4AM
Thursday 11AM-4AM
Friday 7PM-4AM
Saturday 7PM-4AM
Sunday 7PM-4AM

That is a WHOPPING 95 hour work week!!!
But wait, with shift pay she will make $440.
That's $4.63 per hour at a job with no days off, no benefits, and no future.

Just thought of another stat to consider...of the 95 hours worked per week, how many of those hours are low or even non-tipping hours? The implications are making my head ache.

I offer some advice here:
Shelley - get a freaking raise or move on!
Owner - give her a raise and free booze and be nice to her!

Happy Labor Day

Here we are, the last officially unofficial day of summer.

Thank God...As far as 1762 is concerned anyway. AC has been broken more often than not it seems. Shelly keeps showing me the part behind the bar for the AC unit. Hasn't moved in days.

Some quick catch-up:

Croc, the Aussie legend, may be shuffling off to Buffalo. It seems that he misses the big ass lasses from up north! Eff the BILLS!

Shelly got an unexpected visitor on Sunday night...I'll let her tell you about it!

And, OK, I have to come clean here...I stopped in Friday night...Dino was there...UGH...I hate to do this...

I talked to him.

I don't know why. I still find the assault on Croc deplorable. Ugh.

The posts have been fewer and will continue as such since the new semester has started. I have a pretty full workload ahead. Taking 16 credits. I will probably need to utilize the brain cells I have left. College textbooks are hard enough to get through without a hangover. So things being what they are, my visits will probably be reduced to 1 or 2 per week, which is a drastic reduction from 7 or more per week.

Michael Vick's Apology

As predicted in last week's post, Michael Vick made a public apology this week for his role in the dogfighting operation that he owned and operated.

"You know, I understand it's it's important or not important, you know, as far as what you say but how you say things." - In other words, Vick was coached on how to make this apology sound as sincere as he possibly could.


"So, you know, I take this opportunity just to speak from the heart. First, I want to apologize, you know, for all the things that that I've done and that I have allowed to happen. I want to personally apologize to commissioner Goodell, Arthur Blank, coach Bobby Petrino, my Atlanta Falcons teammates, you know, for our for our previous discussions that we had. And I was not honest and forthright in our discussions, and, you know, I was ashamed and totally disappointed in myself to say the least." - I wonder how sorry or ashamed Vick would be if he wasn't indicted in this case. I believe his feelings of remorse and shame would have instead been replaced with cockiness at having "gotten over" for his heinous and despicable acts.


"I want to apologize to all the young kids out there for my immature acts and, you know, what I did was, what I did was very immature so that means I need to grow up." - Immature acts? The acts, rather crimes, Vick has plead guilty to are not acts of immaturity. These crimes cannot be defined or described as acts of the callow. More accurately, these crimes are acts of a man who embraces a thug culture. Maturity will not help Mr. Vick


"I totally ask for forgiveness and understanding as I move forward to bettering Michael Vick the person, not the football player. I take full responsibility for my actions. For one second will I sit right here not for one second will I sit right here and point the finger and try to blame anybody else for my actions or what I've done. I'm totally responsible, and those things just didn't have to happen. I feel like we all make mistakes. It's just I made a mistake in using bad judgment and making bad decisions. And you know, those things, you know, just can't happen." - At this point Vick starts to paint the picture of himself as a tragic figure, worthy of pity. He also tries to show himself to be a "stand-up guy" by repeating his accountability throughout. Had Vick truly wanted to be accountable for what he had done, he would have confessed before the case was ever presented to a Grand Jury.


"Dog fighting is a terrible thing, and I did reject it. I'm upset with myself, and, you know, through this situation I found Jesus and asked him for forgiveness and turned my life over to God. And I think that's the right thing to do as of right now." - This part of the apology sickens me more than any other. Why is it that so many public figures find God in some form or another once their asses are on the line? I remember Tyson and the Muslim phase after his cannibalism. If there is anyone who believes that Vick is now a holy man, contact me via email. I have a nice bridge in Brooklyn for sale on the cheap.


"Like I said, for this for this entire situation I never pointed the finger at anybody else, I accepted responsibility for my actions of what I did and now I have to pay the consequences for it. But in a sense, I think it will help, you know, me as a person." - Again with the responsibility for his actions. Accountability should not count for anything once you have been caught. How did he not choke on the words when he states that going to jail for a disgusting and immoral crime will help him as a person? I am sure he would rather rot in a cell for a year than be spending part of his $130 million contract.


"I got a lot to think about in the next year or so. I offer my deepest apologies to everybody out in there in the world who was affected by this whole situation. And if I'm more disappointed with myself than anything it's because of all the young people, young kids that I've let down, who look at Michael Vick as a role model." - In case he missed anybody in his apology, he reaches out to the world. Very thoughtful, this Vick. As far as kids who "look" to Vick as a role model, I believe that in the majority of cases, the word Vick used should have been "looked".


"And to have to go through this and put myself in this situation, you know, I hope that every young kid out there in the world watching this interview right now who's been following the case will use me as an example to using better judgment and making better decisions. Once again, I offer my deepest apologies to everyone. And I will redeem myself. I have to. So I got a lot of down time, a lot of time to think about my actions and what I've done and how to make Michael Vick a better person. Thank you." - Again, the tragic figure, enduring this hardship. This has to be the most self-centered drivel that ever posed as an apology. Anyone who consistently refers to themselves in the third person has ego issues. To use this form of self-flattery in an apology is unconscionable, just like his crimes.

Mike Vick showed his true colors prior to this incident when he flipped the bird to the Atlanta fans after being booed following a game. In this apology he flips the bird to the rest of us.

Not Hungover

Ah! This is certainly a blisslike state. There is much to like about 7AM without a hangover.

I don't feel swollen.
I don't feel tired.
I don't feel cloudy headed.
I don't feel weak.
I don't feel dehydrated.
I don't feel my brain short-circuiting.
I don't feel queasy.
I don't feel guilty.
I don't feel like I miss any of the above.

I do feel sharp.
I do feel quick witted.
I do feel decisive.
I do feel horny.
I do feel like exercising.
I do feel creative.
I do feel tranquil.
I do feel like I don't want a drink.

Hmm. What's this all about?

What feels better? Being drunk at night or not hungover in the morning?

What will make for a healthier and more productive life?

Hmm.

Friday Night Alright for Fighting?

Continuing my protest of the decision to allow Dino to continue drinking in the bar, I stopped at the tavern for about 60 seconds.

I saw Croc's assailant at the bar and didn't stay. I just don't feel like drinking with the guy. I hope no one gets punched tonight.

I could use the sleep anyway.

Zzzz!

1762 Broadway starts Man-Law List

Copying from the popular TV beer ad campaign, Croc inadvertently came up with the first law of the bar:


"I don't want to know how big my friend's penis is."

The list will be maintained in the right column of the main blog page. Suggestions of additional laws are welcome.

Dog Fighting and Ass Grabbing

Monday Night Football preseason game was a Superbowl XLI rematch. The ongoing saga of the Michael Vick dogfighting got more air time during the broadcast than the game did. Seemed that way anyway. So a conversation starts up among me, Croc, and Cokehead Fred.

Cokehead Fred is not a regular at the bar. I have seen him in here a couple of times. Not such a pleasant guy. Very intense. Must be the coke. Has a kind of reptilian look about him. Like he would eat babies. His own even. During the course of the night he will disappear for ten minutes at a clip, come back to the bar, nose will start running shortly thereafter.

So we are in disagreement over whether or not the NFL will take Vick back after he takes the plea to the dogfighting charges next week. Croc and I say,"No Way!", Fred disagrees. He thinks Vick is too big a crowd draw. My opinion is he will alienate more fans than he will bring in if allowed back into the NFL. Croc says that the NFL commissioner, Goodell, will not take him back, especially so early in his tenure.

While the game is going on into the mid 4th quarter, Hector and Ellie, a couple of regs come in. We all know each other, greetings are exchanged. For clarity's sake, Hector and Ellie are a "couple", and all parties present were aware of that fact. Between fifteen and twenty minutes later I hear Ellie yelling my name from behind me. I turn and Hector and Fred are about to mix it up. I get in the middle, Ellie is already trying to hold back Hector, so I hold back Fred.

Croc ran over to Hector and Ellie to try to sort things out. Cokehead Fred had the audacity to slap Ellie's ass, which was bad enough, but he did it right in front of Hector. And then wanted to be right about it. To quote Dave Chappelle, quoting Rick James, "Cocaine is a helluva drug!"

Hector tried to give Fred an out by telling him that he was out of line and that if he ever did it again, he would beat his ass. Instead of eating the humble pie, Fred retorts, "I don't know why you're making such a big deal about it."

So while I am holding back Fred, I am telling him that there is no fucking way he is right in this. And that if he slapped my wife's ass I'd react same as Hector. And Croc echoes the sentiment.

When Fred somewhat comes to his senses he starts yelling over to Hector that they are friends and he is sorry. Too little, too late seems to be the running theme at 1762 Broadway these days. Fred is instructed to finish his beer and to leave. Which he did. It was the best move he made all night.

I am getting sick of people who do what they want to do, when they want to do it, without showing respect for anyone and then saying they are sorry afterwards. When we apologize, it should be for something we did by accident, or for doing something without realizing the implications of our acts while engaged in them. I'm sorry doesn't mean shit if you are saying it because you got caught. Or acted in a way that is not socially acceptable, like a fucking Neanderthal.

Like Fred's apology to Hector and Ellie, when Michael Vick makes his public apology for his part in the dogfighting operation, it won't mean shit to me. I hope the NFL is with me on this.

The Godfather

Last night we had cause for a little celebrating. I stopped in with Evan to celebrate the news that he and my cousin, Mary are expecting their third child in April. And they chose me to be the godfather. My Uncle Jimmy, Mary's dad, passed away in June of this year. I know that when we all get together for family BBQ's, such as yesterday, we miss his outrageous candor.

And now the news of new life. The Lord taketh away, the Lord giveth.

Congratulations to the expecting couple. Thank you for the honor of being your baby's godfather.

NFL Season right around the "Corner"

I'm looking forward to Monday Night Football at the bar. Stayed in tonight to watch Jet's preseason game. Pennington threw two picks that were returned for TD's. Ugh.

Mobile blogging!

What a creative thought! Posts from the field. Almost in real time.

See Dick drink.
Drink, Dick, drink!

Cheers!

The Toenail Chronicles - Not for the Squeamish!

Stopped in a little after 9 last night to have a couple of cocktails. Heinies and shots of Cabo Wabo. Croc was working, but he didn't look quite right. Kinda pale and pasty. I thought maybe he was constipated.

Biker Bob was present and accounted for after a week-long hiatus. How did he stay away so long? Seems that he has been working hard [so he claims] on a really old building in a place with no parking. We chatted a bit, he ruined a couple of my games of Big Buck Hunter, and then he headed home. Early start today at work.

Timmy was there as well. Always a good night when Croc is working and me and Timmy are drinking. And breaking Croc's balls. And drinking. And playing some good old music circa 1950's-60's. Sam Cooke, Neil Sedaka, and Booby Darin all made appearances.

Anyhow, conversation turned to Croc, and his pasty white appearance. It turns out he was in pain from an ingrown toenail. Someone stepped on it earlier that day in the bar. Talk about bad luck.

So I'm breaking his balls. C'mon, show me. How bad can it be. On and on. Finally he gives in and takes off his sneaker. His white crew sock had a blood stain right through. Then he takes off the sock. I can see the toe is partially bandaged. But the part that isn't wrapped looks like a piece of raw steak. Like a kebob cube you would skewer and cook on the "Barbie".

Now we stop breaking balls. Looks bad, maybe infected. I tell him I know a foot doctor, family friend kinda thing and that I will take him to get the toe fixed, amputated, whatever, in the morning. All that blood, pain, and rawness wouldn't deter him from closing up shop early. Standing on that ribeye of a toe had to hurt. But he wouldn't close up.

If it was me, with my civil servant mentality, I'd have called in sick, never mind stand on it all friggin' night.

I just got a text from him a couple of minutes ago...It read "Did toe. Bloody hurt." Crazy Australian.

When Dino Attacks

I stopped in last night. It was Croc's night and he was there serving up the usual intoxicants, less the Jameson, which was OUT OF STOCK! What is that about anyway...Fodder for another post perhaps.

During the course of the night Croc recounted an occurrence from Monday night. He was nursing a couple of wounds that were inflicted by Dino. In his estimation, Croc believes that Dino became angry with him over some statements he made that night. Croc took a punch to the head while scooping some ice behind the bar. When Croc came out from behind the bar, a scuffle ensued and Croc ended up being thrashed against the pool table.


Croc tells me that there were a couple of regs in the bar who saw what transpired.

Let me start with saying that I have always found Dino to be a likable guy. Right up until that switch is tripped. It's that one drink that sets him from fun and likable Dino to "Fuck 'em all" Dino. Most of us have had more than a few laughs with Dino, who is just as likely to poke fun at himself as he is at others. I've heard from more than one person about generous acts that Dino has performed for them. That's the good Dino.

BUT we have also witnessed those occasions where the bar gets thumped, the pool table dropped, and other times where belligerent behavior is exhibited. For me, this most recent incident crosses the line. In the past, I always found a way of dismissing the behavior of the evil twin Mr. Hyde because of the likability of Dr. Jekyll. Not anymore.

Anyone who has spent a couple of nights at the tavern while Croc is tending knows that he is an easy going, good-natured guy who likes to schmooze with his "Mates". I personally have found him to be a man of his word, a guy who doesn't BS, and one helluva boozer! If you ask his co-workers, they would be remiss if they didn't tell you how he has covered shifts for them on short or no notice. He should never be accused of not being a team player.

The point here is that a guy of character, while engaged in the performance of his dutiful employment, was subjected to a physical assault upon his person by a regular patron of the bar. What justification could there be for this? Is this acceptable behavior for 1762 Broadway?

I have this to say:

To Dino - You fucked up pal. And I know that you don't give a fuck but taking a swing at a guy while he is serving beer to thirsty customers won't win you any points with the hometown crowd. You lost me on this one.

To Croc - Don't let your guard down next time.

Jessie

The untimely death of Jessie took all of us by surprise. She will be missed by one and all.

Thanks for spending some time with us Jess. May you rest in peace.

1762 Broadway

1762 Broadway is a blog about a fictitious bar. The fact is that it could be any bar. Anyhow, for the record, this is my imaginary hangout, an ether-bar.

A Little History
After having conversations with a local guy who has lived in these parts since Broadway had stables and farmlands, I learned that this spot, this location, this very bar, has been a part of the neighborhood for at least a half century. Countless revelers have bellied up to this same bar. Some have been regulars, some are just passing through. Currently 1762 Broadway serves a varied crowd and chances are that no matter where you are from, and regardless of where you are going, you'll probably fit in while you're there.

So, what are some of the regulars like? That is maybe the best part of it! There is no TYPICAL!

Why this BLOG?

Well, it's our bar! We laugh here and yell here. Bitch here and some nights we raise a little Hell here.