Bear On Religion

BEAR vs Bullsh*t

"Let me get this straight Benny...you don't have to be straight or have a wife because Jesus died for your sins and accepts you the way you are, right?" Bear looked at Benny from across the table staring out of the ornate window of the old Bar in the Backwoods of Tennessee. Benny said, "Well, my Pastor told me that God accepts me for who I am, and I'm gay."

"Is your Pastor fucking you in the ass? What religion are you involved in? I wanna know if I have a cult member living in my house," said Bear rolling his cigar around in his mouth. "You have a gay man living in your house who has found Jesus, halalujah..." Benny turned his wrist down and waved his head back and forth, before he could say another word Bear said, "I hope Jesus finds you another house to live in, I don't care what Star says...YOUR OUT OF MY HOUSE."

"God doesn't like ugly Bear." "SHUT UP AND LISTEN, you don't know what God likes because if God doesn't like ugly he sure as hell can't accept you." “Benny, I don’t know how the fuck you think you can impose your new beliefs on me, in my house when you don’t know what the fuck you believe yourself, you make no sense.”

“Bear its not about sense, its about faith, the end of the world is coming soon and when Jesus gets here non-believers like you are gonna go straight to hell.” “Really, based on what, tell me Benny?” “Based on the Bible Bear….” “STOP RIGHT FUCKING NOW! Show me where it says in the Bible I’m a non-believer, you don’t know what I believe…show me where it says in the Bible I’m going to hell.”

“Well, I’m new to my faith, but my Pastor says….” “STOP. I gotta get out of here before I leave you for dead.” Bear paid his tab and started for the door when Benny burst into tears. The barmaid looked over at Bear and Benny and assumed they were a couple breaking up. “Yall havin a lovers quarrel." Bear said “I’m no fudge packer and this faggot can cry in his beer, I’ll be outside waiting for Skippy.” (Skippy is the local Deputy Sheriff).

“Sugar you ought not leave that sweet little man all broke up like that, what would Jesus do?” The bartender, a redneck milf looked at Bear with a plea of compassion in her eyes. Bear was in the twilight zone and he knew it. He is in the backwoods of the deep south, in a redneck bar, talking to a gay black man who fell on hard times, that is living in his house because Bear’s wife wants to help him. Now he is in a discussion about ‘religion’ in an empty bar with the same queer.

Bear was loud, clear and steady, “First off, to discuss the Bible you need to know what’s in it not what someone tells you what’s in it. Next, who is this ‘Pastor’ that’s telling you the end of the world is in a few weeks or months and to sell your possessions and give him the money? Did you ask where he went to theology school, what faith he professes, who ordained that minister? Did you Benny? “

“No! He must be a minister, he has a Bible, stands in the Pulpit, and has a black robe…” “Benny, listen! Listen real good, shut your mouth and listen. How is it a man you assume is a Pastor, a minister of God would advise you to judge anyone? Next, think about this, somebody tells you not to pay your rent, not to pay your bills, but to bring your living to his so called ‘Church’ and disregard the people you are in debt to. Is that a Christian thing to do?”

The bartender had brought Bears tonic water to the table and brought Benny a beer. By now Skippy showed up in his Sheriff’s car and found a place to sit down and listened as Bear continued to go off. “Now Benny, doesn’t it say in the Bible that homosexuality is a sin and those that are faggots will die in their sin.?” “My Pastor would have told us if that was in the Bible, Bear…so its not.” “It is too faggot, Romans 1:18-32” said Bear. Benny eyes rattled.



“Oh yeah Benny, I know that lowlife Jackleg womanizing sodomite you call a Pastor, I also know something about the Bible because I have a real good spiritual advisor. Let me get to the point real quick so your ignorant fag ass can see clearly. You are the sinner living in sin, so am I, but I put a roof over your head, feed you when your hungry, encourage you when you get upset and give you good advise about how to get your life unfucked.”

Skippy was joined in the bar by his brother, Bubba Ray as Bear now broke into a sermon. “Charity begins at home Benny. I don’t know all the details of your fucked up life, but we swung open the door to our home and helped you out because everyone in this community would shoot you just as soon look at you because of your homo queer assed life. Charity is doing right by the suffering and lowly not out of pity but because it’s the most right thing to do.”

Bear fired up his cigar and took a long drag. Benny was about to open his mouth when Bear again said, “I’m not finished faggot…I don’t like the way you live, I don’t like the way you act, I don’t like the things you say and I don’t like the so called Church you go to…but I will help you live the way you want because you are an American living in America. Maybe my example will encourage you to give up your deviate fudge packing ways and get a woman. That’s what Jesus would do. Wouldn’t he?”

Bubba Ray shouted “Hell Yeah”. “Amen, Amen, Amen, Hallelujah, proclaimed the bartender. Benny blushed in shame and said he would meet Bear at his house after work and start moving out. Bear said, “You got a month, also go to Churches where the Minister is a man of God and not an ex-con looking to screw anything that walks into his so called Church. Benny’s face lost color as he covered his mouth (his ‘Pastor had sex with him). Bear left with Skippy and Bubba Ray.

Bear got on the phone and recounted this incident to me after he and Star did some talking. “I can’t believe he is so gullible, so ignorant, RJ, why do people fall for the shit dished out by so called Ministers who are just con-men, crooks and scumbags?” “Bear, when a life comes apart people will fall into all kinds of trouble, and find themselves under the spell of someone or group who tells them what they want to hear but do things to entrap them into living a lie.”

“RJ, what do you think about this?” “Well Bear, lets see, you and your wife, former New Yorkers are harboring an admitted homosexual who is involved in a cult, which came after living with a big fat sex addicted white woman who had orgies on a regular basis. Benny, a gay little black guy, was found standing over that same white woman who was covered in semen by several black men, this gay fool got himself laid out in the street by the Sheriff and kicked out of his trailer. With all the 'righteous folk' in his world you took him in Bear.” “What’s your point RJ?

“From the outside looking in this is weird shit Bear, none of the “Church People” helped him but the heathens from New York did. You may damn sure hate gays, homo’s, faggots and fudge packers of all types but you need to find a better way to show it. You don’t want anybody down here mistaking you for a “Christian” do you?” “Eat me RJ.” “Be careful Bear…its rubbing off.”



RJ