A Bar Story: Toasting Grief

It was a week after Veterans Day, Saturday, November 18th as the clock struck twelve. An old Marine Warrant Officer, Aaron B. Strong had long past toasted with heavy drinkers and gluttons. He was thoroughly disappointed that the woman he was counting on seeing didn’t show up. It was a spacious old Inn outside of Montgomery, in upstate New York. It was 1967.


The woodwork was early 1900’s and the ornate bar featured a huge mirror hung in a massive oak frame carved with roses and cheribums. It was soon going on two in the morning and the Old Marine got up realizing he had a little too much to drink. The bartender, Gus lived upstairs at the old Inn and told the Marine he could stay the night. Aaron took the offer and was told how to get upstairs to a room with a cot and a bucket. Aaron thanked Gus and said he would be right up.

Aaron wanted to forget, he wanted a woman, he wanted someone to be with. But he couldn’t forget, he lost his woman and he was alone. He put down his rock glass about a third full with whiskey when the bar started to glow. He tried to shake off the sight, too much whiskey. Then they started showing up. The door was locked, the bartender was asleep and the bar had customers coming out of the walls.

The Old Gunner was convinced he was loosing it. He was with the III Marine Amphibious Force in Quang Nam and Quang Tin Provinces, during Operation Wheeler. He operated in shadows belonging to a Force Recon Unit working as both forward observers and the point of the sword. He had been part of much carnage, much grief and was sent back to the states early due to his unique ways of keeping his Marines engaged while minimizing casualties.

He wanted to go back to Nam, he wanted to be in country with his boys. He is here in a bar full of people, in a bar that had been closed for over an hour. The man in the grey smoking jacket, black hair, pale face and riding boots smoking a strong pipe introduced himself as ‘Glen Turner’.
Next to Glen, dressed like 1890 with black beard and moustache, black long coat and black bowtie was Jack Daniels. Talking amongst themselves at one end of the long ornate maple bar was none other than the distiller, Jim Beam, along with Johnnie Walker and Phillipe Lasala.

Aaron finished his whiskey and headed for the stairs, only to find the stairway blocked by a tall West Indies woman in a dark red dress, high heels and pearls, with platinum hair and a pony tail down to her waist. Her English and Jamaican accented voice was melodious but rude, she said “No sir, you stay with us awhile.” “Who Are You,” demanded Aaron. “I’m Tia Maria.” Her eyes were black with a glow of red encircling her pupils, Aaron backed up to the bar in stark fear.

“What do you want with me?” Aaron stood with his back to the wall across from the bar as Tia Maria came down the steps and took a seat at the bar. “What!” Aaron demanded, “What.” All the patrons had whiskey in front of them as the apparition behind the bar became clearer. An old Negro dressed in a 1920’s bartenders uniform from the Pennsylvania Railroad was behind the bar serving Tia Maria. “What are you drinking my man” said the Bartender to Aaron.

“Nothing right now,” Aaron said as he approached the stairs. As he took the first step on the stairs a sharp pain shot through his foot. He backed up, turned round and all eyes were on him. “Sit down and drink with us Marine, don’t leave us here without at least one drink” said Jim Beam as he motioned to the bartender who put down a rock glass and poured some Wild Turkey.

“That’s what I was drinking, but not now, I don’t think any of you are real, my mind and body needs rest.” Aaron again tried to get away from the bar and the floor became burning hot. Aaron jumped onto a barstool and sat with his feet on the foot rest at the bar. Jack Daniels laughed with Jim Beam and Johnny Walker as Tia Maria shook her head. “Boy, you know what says the scriptures don’t you?” Jack Daniels lit a cigar and again said “well don’t ya.”

“What the hell are you talking about” barked Aaron. “Hell, that’s exactly what I’m talkin’ about boy…’Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts’ that’s what says the scripture boy, said Jack Daniels as cigar smoke wafted through the bar. Aaron was shaking visibly, he said “what do you mean by ‘perish’?” ‘I’m not gonna die’. “The hell you aint boy!” Jack Daniels put down his cigar staring at Aaron.

Tears started to stream down the Old Marines face, “why, what did I do…when am I going to die” said Aaron. “Depends on you Sir,” quipped Johnny Walker, “so drink with us now as we toast to ‘grief’", said Johnny Walker in his thick Scots brogue. Aaron picked up his glass and they all drank. Aarons drink was unusually smooth and kind of sweet but turned bitter in his gut.

Phillipe Lasala flicked his cigarette, in his starch hard French accent said to Aaron, “look in the glass”. Aaron’s glass was full again, Phillipe again said “look”. He stared in the glass and saw Vietnam, he heard and saw it all vividly. His Marines were lying on the ground returning fire as the Corporal covered the body of a fallen comrade. Aaron then saw the funeral of the Mother and Father of a young Vietnamese orphan.

“Keep looking” said Phillipe as the Bartender poured him another drink, “see it all Aaron, see it all.” He saw the pretty young wife of his brave Marine that had been killed, she was on her knees at the graveside after taps had been played and the honor guard marched off. The widow clutched her heart, tears poured down her anguished face as her little boy held her arm. The glass got foggy then became black. Aaron shuddered.

“I don’t want to see no more, leave me alone, leave me the hell alone. “Hell is where you may end up if you don’t see this through”, said Glen Turner as he puffed on his pipe. “What’s this all about, why are you messing with me, why? Aaron was angry, hurting, his stomach bitter, eyes full of tears and his heart heavy, “Why did I have to see that…why’d you make me see that."


“Because we toasted to grief and we wanted to make sure you had some” sneered Jim Beam. “Your not fucking with me anymore tonight, I’m done” screamed Aaron. The assembled entities all pointed to the extreme end of the bar, from the darkness behind Jack Daniels emerged Captain Morgan and the Reaper was with him. The bartender said “if I were you I’d hang around…if you go, you’ll go with them”. “Drink man, then look in the glass” said the bartender.


Aaron took another drink as Captain Morgan ordered rum. The Reaper just sat there. Aaron looked in the glass and saw himself standing alone in the middle of a Veterans cemetery. He read the white marble headstones, all had the names of men he commanded, men he last saw alive before he left Vietnam. The sky was dark grey, Aaron was being ripped by a harsh cold wind that had pushed him shivering, slipping next to an open grave in the rain.

Aaron saw the Reaper there pointing at the rows. He was caught by another wind and suddenly Aaron was at the bar staring in the glass. “Are they all gone…are all my boys…dead” cried Aaron. “Not yet” said Captain Morgan as he put his foot on the foot rest. “But if they were dead, would you blame yourself? If they were dead would you want to join them? Would you Gunner?” Captain Morgan then sipped his rum and motioned for an answer.

“I don’t want to die, I don’t want them to die…tell me what you want from me. What do I have to do to keep them alive” Aaron said, sweat now forming on his forehead. The Reaper faced him and his boney finger pointed at Aaron’s glass. The bartender filled it again. “Oh no, please don’t make me do this” cried Aaron. The Reaper again pointed his boney finger as he adjusted his sickle. Aaron in fear for his life, drank again and looked in the glass.

Aaron saw himself in a VA hospital and the doctor telling him he had a short time to live, he then saw himself laying in the street on a bitter cold night, he had no home. Aaron saw thugs kicking him mercilessly then running off as he bled in the street. Aaron then let go of the glass. “This can’t happen to me, I have the Navy Cross, the Legion of Merit, two Silver Stars, four Bronze Stars, and at least a dozen other medals for gallantry, bravery and valor” said Aaron.

“Take your medals to the Real Estate Man and see what they buy you in America” said Tia Maria as she sipped her liqueur. She put down her glass and said “Take your medals to any woman, a whore, a nurse, a church lady or a gold digger, they won’t give a second look if they give a first one…your bravery, valor, courage don’t buy a stinkin thing. These we’ll put in the box with you when we put you in the pit” said Tia Maria without batting her evil eyes.

“What do you want me to do! Tell me what you want me to do! Just stop this. Just stop these visions, please stop this grief. “What is it you want from me, begged Aaron, What do you want?” “We want you to taste the bitterness, the pain, the loneliness, the despair, yes the grief, that you have been part of or responsible for in the lives you have touched” said the Bartender. Now that you have had a little taste, what you gonna do? The bartender put the bottle on the shelf saying, “What will you do?”

“I’m going to find a way to help my boys, I’m going to find a way to change.” Aaron turned to the Reaper, “I hurt so much, I just want enough strength to get to the next day. I never had any grandiose dreams of mansions and riches, I just want friends that care, friends I can share with and a family of my own.

I don’t want to be alone, I don’t want to die alone. I know how to fight, I know how to kill, I know you Reaper! Aaron turned to the rest of the Bar, “I don’t know compassion, I don’t know mercy, I don’t know love.”

Aaron went on, “I’d give anything for my Marines, I must lead them to fight and die if necessary, but I don’t know how to do anything else, I don’t know if I can. I want to change, but all I can do is find or steal enough strength to get to the next day. Why don’t you help me?” “Us help you,” shouted Captain Morgan. Morgan continued “Look at us, don’t you realize who we are? We are your broken crutch, your empty diversion, your liquid courage, your ‘next day’, we are the abominable, we are your life.”

Tia Maria said “You chase women who can’t love you, you give your life for death, you kill because of an oath, you suffer because of an order. You don’t want to live, you give a little piece of yourself to us every time your lips touch the glass, why even continue with living” she then wiped her glistening lips. “Is that why you’re here, to kill me” said Aaron wiping the sweat from his brow. “We can’t do anything else for you, you ordered the poison, so drink your poison, here we are, grief is what you ordered, this we bring to the hopeless, especially you” said Morgan.

“Enough talk Captain, the Gunner called us here, now its time we reply. The grief you gave is the grief you’ll get” said Glen Turner as he put down his pipe. “There’s not much left to take from you except your life” said Jim Beam. The Reaper now moved closer to Aaron, raising his sickle. “No! I am not hopeless,” said Aaron moving toward the door as his feet burned. Aaron fell to his knees, crawling, saying “I am loveless, not hopeless and I will not let you kill me”.

Jack Daniels said “You have already let us kill you, now shut up and die.” Aaron said, “Jesus, please help me, now.” The assembled entities screamed and the Reaper backed up. Aaron leaned back on his knees and said, “help me trade this grief for joy, help me God to stop the hurting, help me beat the Reaper.” Then all of the entities attacked Aaron including the Reaper. The room turned bright white, then everything turned black.

“Get up Aaron, get up” said Gus. Aaron got up off the floor as day was breaking. Aaron squared himself away and reported to his duty station. Several years passed and he was at Pinelawn Veterans Cemetery with his sons standing in front of the grave of a fallen Marine. Aaron’s son Dan asked, “Daddy why did so many people die.” “So we could live and be happy” said Aaron. “Are you sad Daddy?” “A little Dan, but I’m happy that they lived to fight.”

Aarons adopted Vietnamese son, Van Lee said “Daddy, didn’t you fight”? “Yes son I did.” Holding Aarons hand tight, Van Lee said, “Your not going to the white stones are you, your not going to die?” “Son, If I was going to die I wouldn’t be here with you.” “Oh, O.K. Dad”. “Now boys face the Marines grave and salute.” Aarons sons saluted with him. Aarons wife looked on them from the cemetery road, they walked toward her, into the sunset.


Happy Thanksgiving

RJ