Cold Chicks, Warm Beer (Botulism on Tap)

Hello good people, RJ here, I had to return a little earlier than expected. I had to address a medical issue at the VA. I came in on Thursday night and couple of the old regulars were in attendance, I won’t rat them out by name, but the old guy who employs hot chicks at an upscale country club on the beach, and the former high school jock who drinks peppermint liquor with his cheap beer (warm cheap beer at that).

We were watching baseball when a semi-regular who I’ll call the Limpin' Pimp staggered in. The Pimp was higher than storm clouds and alcohol didn’t help his buzz either. Candy and her bartender friend from another establishment (one that serves cold tap beer) were mortified at his conversation, his suggestion and his inability to walk let alone drive.

Limpin' is desperately trying to find men who will marry young women who are in need of green card renewal. He sells this proposition by showing his cell phone photos of these young thangs physical attributes and relaying explicit detail of what sexual talents they will readily bestow upon you. I overheard him explaining this to Candy and why he is not with his main squeeze, one of these “green card girls”.

Apparently, the Limpin' Pimp got his girl hooked on a narcotic that begins with the letter "H", just like he is. He has her drying out in a hotel in RVC. Limpin' says girl is gonna leave him and tells me what he told Candy, (Candy is mad as hell and wants someone to drive him home) who is on her way out the door with her bartender friend. Croc does a good job of holding his key’s while I negotiate with him about driving his ass home. He makes mild threats and gets his keys. Yeah, he drove away.

I hope to God he didn’t cause harm or grief to anyone.

On a more lighthearted observation, Croc, started telling me of what he considered a phenomenon that happened the night before which he felt was absolutely funny given the history of this bar. (Bar has changed owners 3 times in last 9 years) As people came in and went out, the patrons in attendance were three african-american urbanites and one woman who was dressed nicely, her attributes displayed prominently yet properly, she was white.

Given Croc’s experience in the Confederate South, he found this absolutely amazing and totally hilarious. This is something New Yorkers don’t even give a second thought, but given the state of the country and current American History, I can see why Croc found this kinda funny.

I came in Friday night and the new bartender who I’ll call Ruby (sometimes used as a name for the bird “erithacus rubecula”). Ruby was attending to the sports fans watching the Mets game when ‘Daria’ (an aggressive female Jets fan who is charter member of the menhaters club) wanted to “change the channel”. Dino attempted to calm her down (pour gasoline on fire) this didn’t help but we did get some music playing.

Hector and Ellie were there just having a good time and the night was filled with other regulars who were just chilling out. Candy was exhausted from a long week and is preparing for a baby shower for a former manager of this owner forsaken establishment. As we all approached the midnight hour you could just watch as Ruby faded, fighting to keep up with everything going on.

A young Hispanic male who could barely speak English was in attendance and I could see he felt out of place. No one would communicate with him (I guess that silent message is ‘get the fuck out please’) so I with my extremely limited espanol attempted communication. I’ll call this young man the ‘Cisco Kid’.

Good news is I almost got Daria to take the Kid him home with her. Bad news is Dino made him feel like a jackass when he wanted help learning to shoot pool. Kid left a full Corona on the Bar. Ruby could have used that drink with some food and support for the logistics that go with running a bar. If it were not for a good crowd, (Dino excluded) and a fun vibe from folks just talking, this place just as well could have been boarded up.

Warm tap beer, discolored beer from the tap that looks nothing like beer from a bottle, a frazzled bartender on her 14th hour and hole in the wall dive with no air conditioning. The jackass owner really loves this bar. He screws his customers and his employees equally. Soon I will go to the place where big breasted women with irish accents serve cold beer with a warm smile – not the other way around.

I leave you with what kept us all in this hole in the wall,….Love.
RJ